Wind, and What's Wrong

I'm not sure if I believe in the concept of affinities for the classical elements (earth, air, fire, water), but I have had some positive experience meditating on the wind.

Also, I have more energy on windy days, no matter what temperature.

I tried meditating this afternoon as I was finishing what I hope will become a daily walk/jog around the lake.
Just repeated a few simple sentences to calm my mind and remove myself from the problems of the day.

I am the wind.
I am free.
I am weightless.
I am the wind.
I am powerful.
I cannot be contained.
I am the wind.
I am above.

...okay, so maybe more than a few.
Then it got interesting. I became calm (a feat just after jogging), and my mind began to formulate complex imagery regarding the air, its works, its state, and its inhabitants.

Again, not sure about the old Celtic/Wiccan/naturist/whatever concepts of elemental attunement, but so far my experience has been positive regarding the improvement of my outlook on life.

Speaking of which.

Matthew Polly's written a couple of books (American Shaolin and Tapped Out), both autobiographical and both quite spiritual/philosophical.

Both detail a journey, the first through training at the Shaolin Temple, the second training the various disciplines of Mixed Martial Arts.
In both, the journey begins with him making a mental list he calls "What's Wrong With Matt?".

Given that most people with an optimistic outlook on life and more success in it tend to search for self-improvement rather than assuming perfection and blaming their problems on others, I figure it's a good time for my own self-assessment.

So, What's Wrong With Brandon?
1) Boy, Not a Man
I do partially blame American society for this, given our total lack of actual adulthood rites. Tribal societies have a black and white approach to adulthood. You kill the jaguar, you are a man. Killing the jaguar means you are ready for anything that could come your way as part of the society, so once you kill it, your adult-ness (male in this example) is never questioned. We in 'Murica have no universally recognized rites or rituals like this. Some people might say learning to drive or graduating high school/college, but in what way do any of those successes demonstrate that you are ready for the myriad of circumstances life throws at you?
On my end, as you can see from yesterday, I feel like I'm just falling from one circumstance to the next instead of taking charge. It doesn't help that I'm not sure what "taking charge" even looks like, given that the only example I have (my dad starting his own business when I was three) doesn't seem like it would work for me because I don't know what I have to offer the world. I'm also very hesitant about calling strangers on the phone, even to order pizza (though nowadays you can mostly do that online), and I can't manage money well.

2) Glutton
I love food. No really. The more damage it does to my body, the more I tend to crave/enjoy it.

3) Lazy
This kinda ties into #2, given that it means I'll eat horrible food all day and night, and never want to exercise. As I mentioned above, I've started walking every day, and lessening the amount of food I take in. Hopefully it'll hold up in the long term.

4) No self-discipline
The more I write, the more it seems like #1 just covers everything. I have a novel, a screenplay, a ton-load of short stories, and a comic book script "in the works".
Meaning, I have finished drafts of the short stories and the first issue of the comic book script, but the novel draft is nowhere finished, and the screenplay (being an adaptation of the novel) is similarly unfinished. I have a ton-load of outlines, brainstorming, etc. for it, but it seems to take sooo much effort to actually sit and write paragraphs, which leads into...

5) Easily distracted
Why did typewriters go out of style? I get carpel tunnels very easily, so writing massive numbers of pages by hand is out. But my one typing device has Internet access. So when I SHOULD be cranking out chapter after chapter leading to an astonishing reveal or major plot twist....I'm on Memebase. Also I play Pokemon waaay too much.

That's all I can think of right now. Maybe tonight or tomorrow will reveal more glaring flaws.