I had hoped to make this a daily blog, but that whole employment BS got in the way.
If I wrote out (like, entirely) even half the fanfics I've thought of in my lifetime, I'd be sued into the ground, but I'd have hundreds of novels already finished.
So, since I keep trying to type this list and Firefox keeps crashing, here goes.
One shot.
Every fanfic idea I've ever had.
1) What if a centuries-old descendant of Old Valyria had given Tyrion the Lannister house sword Brightroar just before the Battle of the Blackwater?
2) What if Nick Fury had given Captain America a credit card with no limit and told him to "rediscover America, and decide if it's still worth fighting for"?
3) What if Boromir had never reached Rivendell?
4) What if the Minbari hadn't opened their gun ports during first contact with humans?
5) What if Anakin and Padme had publicly announced their marriage just after the ceremony?
6) What if we'd actually gotten some sense of "normal" proceedings at the Tulsa House of Night BEFORE all hell broke loose?
7) What if Raven wasn't so determined to outline the teeth-grinding details of her goth-ness?
8) What if Wolverine and Kitty Pryde had had an actual, long-term relationship?
9) What if the original colonists of Pern had actually left instructions behind so their descendants could find AIVAS?
10) What if Superman had landed in Oklahoma?
11) What if Feanor hadn't left the Silmarils, and had been slain by Morgoth when he and Ungoliant attacked Valinor?
12) What if they actually explain the above story in one of the Peter Jackson Hobbit movies, having already mentioned Ungoliant?
13) What if the Beast Wars had happened in modern America?
14) What if Naruto had learned Rasengan before the Art of the Shadow Doppleganger?
15) What if Ino had a girl-crush on Sakura, but disguised it with jealousy?
16) What if Goku's ability to drastically increase his strength after being mortally wounded had been discovered as soon as his training with Muten Roshi started, and he had been "trained" by being brought to the brink of death again and again and healed with Senzu beans again and again? Would he have been able to kill King Piccolo in one shot?
17) Sailor Solar. A dude. Dressed like a pre-armor-summoning Ronin Warrior. That is all.
18) What if the spirit of Jon Arryn had appeared to Robert and Eddard in the catacombs of Winterfell and revealed the exact circumstances of his murder?
19) What if Guy Montag had let his wife die that first night?
20) What if Batman had TAKEN A NAP during the initial events of Knightfall?
...okay so it's not all of them ever, but I'm running out of time for today and this is good brain-vomit.
None of these are trademarked, copyrighted, etc. by the way.
If any of them get you writing, I'll take it as a compliment and probably critique the living hell out of it.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Monday, June 10, 2013
Strength
My heart is light.
My mind is clear.
My will is strong.
What is strength?
Is it mastering one's circumstances?
Starting a private business, never bowing the knee to a corporate master, forcing a path through society on one's own will and inertia, even if that means times of hunger, homelessness, and hopelessness?
Is it a refusal to be changed by one's circumstances?
Improving oneself and loving oneself regardless of the slings and arrows of fickle fate, even if it means never being able to improve your circumstances because it takes so much to stand above them?
Is strength mastering, or is it refusing to be mastered?
Swinging the sword, or standing fast behind the shield?
The sword can consume its wielder, so that he no longer recognizes himself amidst his constant, burning ambition. He becomes so afraid of the once-clinging vines of circumstance that he cannot understand when the battle is over, cannot rest.
The shield-bearer can become complacent, lazy. His healthy drive to create can atrophy as he devotes all energy to shutting out the world.
In the end, we must all find balance between the two, blazing our own trail through life, even as we stand firm against changes in our circumstances, resolving to constantly become a better person regardless of the burdens life gives us to bear.
My mind is clear.
My will is strong.
What is strength?
Is it mastering one's circumstances?
Starting a private business, never bowing the knee to a corporate master, forcing a path through society on one's own will and inertia, even if that means times of hunger, homelessness, and hopelessness?
Is it a refusal to be changed by one's circumstances?
Improving oneself and loving oneself regardless of the slings and arrows of fickle fate, even if it means never being able to improve your circumstances because it takes so much to stand above them?
Is strength mastering, or is it refusing to be mastered?
Swinging the sword, or standing fast behind the shield?
The sword can consume its wielder, so that he no longer recognizes himself amidst his constant, burning ambition. He becomes so afraid of the once-clinging vines of circumstance that he cannot understand when the battle is over, cannot rest.
The shield-bearer can become complacent, lazy. His healthy drive to create can atrophy as he devotes all energy to shutting out the world.
In the end, we must all find balance between the two, blazing our own trail through life, even as we stand firm against changes in our circumstances, resolving to constantly become a better person regardless of the burdens life gives us to bear.
Friday, June 7, 2013
Double Whammy Day!
Have to make up for lost time today.
I had a ton of things to say yesterday, but having to work from 5:30 AM to 9 PM with only a single lunch break kinda gets in the way.
Main subject for today: PARENTS.
1) Childhood reading
I hate parents who tell their kids "This book is too grown-up for you."
As if to say "You're incompetent, and only time will make you more competent!"
I work in a library. I love to read.
If my parents hadn't left the doors wide open on my available reading material, I never would have known my ability, nor expanded my vocabulary or reading tastes.
If a kid wants to read a book, LET THEM!
If they don't know all the words, get them in the habit of looking them up!
If they ask questions, BE A PARENT and EXPLAIN IT TO THEM!
This whole idea of "you're not old enough to understand" has always been a load of BS, and it makes the parent look incompetent because they'd rather handwave the subject away than actually devote some time and effort to their children's understanding.
Kids are naturally curious.
It's part of human development, and leads to greater understanding of the world around us.
As many bitter old grownups can attest, once you lose that childhood curiosity, it doesn't come back.
Yet it seems as though so many parents are trying to kill it in its infancy.
They'd rather get the kid hooked into the machine as soon as possible, and let the Internet and television do the parenting.
Which, strangely enough, leads us into....
2) Bullying
"You can't stop bullying. It's human nature. I bet if you were stronger and well, dumber, you'd probably be a bully too."
-Paranorman (paraphrased cuz I'm in a hurry)
Bullying is not new.
Bullying is not some cancerous sign of the degradation of our consumerist society (though there is plenty of that to go around).
Bullying is what hurting children do to make themselves feel like they have control over something, especially when they're made to feel powerless at home due to abuse.
And here's the kicker:
IT'S BEEN HAPPENING SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME.
It isn't some "epidemic" which has just recently reared its ugly head.
The only thing which has changed in recent years (see above) is that fewer and fewer parents are taking it upon themselves to PARENT.
It is not the responsibility of PBS, or teachers, or school administrators to give your child a sense of self-worth.
That has to start happening from BIRTH.
And who's around then?
YOU, the PARENTS.
If YOU don't instill self-esteem and a resilience to the opinions of others, and support them when they come under fire, then NO ONE WILL.
That so many of you are expecting parenting to be as easy as plugging the kid into the Internet and saying "Go play!" is more disgusting to me than the inevitable consequence of your children offing themselves due to the contents of an EMAIL.
Get off your iPhones/Pads/whatever, quit trying to party hard while parenting, GROW UP, and start being an adult for your children to rely on!
I had a ton of things to say yesterday, but having to work from 5:30 AM to 9 PM with only a single lunch break kinda gets in the way.
Main subject for today: PARENTS.
1) Childhood reading
I hate parents who tell their kids "This book is too grown-up for you."
As if to say "You're incompetent, and only time will make you more competent!"
I work in a library. I love to read.
If my parents hadn't left the doors wide open on my available reading material, I never would have known my ability, nor expanded my vocabulary or reading tastes.
If a kid wants to read a book, LET THEM!
If they don't know all the words, get them in the habit of looking them up!
If they ask questions, BE A PARENT and EXPLAIN IT TO THEM!
This whole idea of "you're not old enough to understand" has always been a load of BS, and it makes the parent look incompetent because they'd rather handwave the subject away than actually devote some time and effort to their children's understanding.
Kids are naturally curious.
It's part of human development, and leads to greater understanding of the world around us.
As many bitter old grownups can attest, once you lose that childhood curiosity, it doesn't come back.
Yet it seems as though so many parents are trying to kill it in its infancy.
They'd rather get the kid hooked into the machine as soon as possible, and let the Internet and television do the parenting.
Which, strangely enough, leads us into....
2) Bullying
"You can't stop bullying. It's human nature. I bet if you were stronger and well, dumber, you'd probably be a bully too."
-Paranorman (paraphrased cuz I'm in a hurry)
Bullying is not new.
Bullying is not some cancerous sign of the degradation of our consumerist society (though there is plenty of that to go around).
Bullying is what hurting children do to make themselves feel like they have control over something, especially when they're made to feel powerless at home due to abuse.
And here's the kicker:
IT'S BEEN HAPPENING SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME.
It isn't some "epidemic" which has just recently reared its ugly head.
The only thing which has changed in recent years (see above) is that fewer and fewer parents are taking it upon themselves to PARENT.
It is not the responsibility of PBS, or teachers, or school administrators to give your child a sense of self-worth.
That has to start happening from BIRTH.
And who's around then?
YOU, the PARENTS.
If YOU don't instill self-esteem and a resilience to the opinions of others, and support them when they come under fire, then NO ONE WILL.
That so many of you are expecting parenting to be as easy as plugging the kid into the Internet and saying "Go play!" is more disgusting to me than the inevitable consequence of your children offing themselves due to the contents of an EMAIL.
Get off your iPhones/Pads/whatever, quit trying to party hard while parenting, GROW UP, and start being an adult for your children to rely on!
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Quickie
Gonna have to be a quick one today, kiddies.
I'm working 8-2 at Job #1, then 3-9 at Job #2.
Then I get to get up at 4:30 tomorrow to go 5:30-2, etc.
I thought of another one for the "What's Wrong With Brandon" list.
5) Does not take pride in his appearance
Yet another Boy/Not a Man one. I really don't. I hate wearing any shirt I have to tuck in (mostly because I'm about thirty pounds overweight), I hate wearing a tie (related to being overweight), and I hate wearing "dress" shoes.
I don't understand why people think dressing a certain way makes me more or less capable of doing a job, especially if its an office job away from the general public (think Office Space).
I've heard the excuse "Well if you dress professionally you'll act professionally."
Really?
Are people really so shallow and so easily influenced that a change of outfit will give them a better work ethic?
I thought that took years of self-discipline and experience to cultivate.
Guess not.
Back on my end, it wasn't until very recently that I started shaving more than twice a week.
I see scenes in movies where they use fast cutting to show a guy getting dressed (he buttons his shirt *CUT* he buckles his belt *CUT* he adjusts his tie *CUT* he ties his shoes *CUT* he tells his reflection "I look good"), and where others see an attractive man with a bright future career ahead of him, all I see is a very uncomfortable adult forced to wear a monkey suit in exchange for higher pay (this feeling becomes ironic if he's done all this just for a job interview).
Supposedly it's the parents' responsibility to instill this sense of pride in one's appearance, but my parents both took time to look good every morning, and made me stand there while one or the other of them did my hair before school every day.
But even once I was old enough to take care of my appearance myself, it was just an automatic chore, done with an unconscious assurance that "They'll just get mad at me if I don't".
As opposed to the supposed ideal of a man spending an hour or so on himself, looking in the mirror, and being so gratified at what he sees that the day offers no further challenges for him.
I'm working 8-2 at Job #1, then 3-9 at Job #2.
Then I get to get up at 4:30 tomorrow to go 5:30-2, etc.
I thought of another one for the "What's Wrong With Brandon" list.
5) Does not take pride in his appearance
Yet another Boy/Not a Man one. I really don't. I hate wearing any shirt I have to tuck in (mostly because I'm about thirty pounds overweight), I hate wearing a tie (related to being overweight), and I hate wearing "dress" shoes.
I don't understand why people think dressing a certain way makes me more or less capable of doing a job, especially if its an office job away from the general public (think Office Space).
I've heard the excuse "Well if you dress professionally you'll act professionally."
Really?
Are people really so shallow and so easily influenced that a change of outfit will give them a better work ethic?
I thought that took years of self-discipline and experience to cultivate.
Guess not.
Back on my end, it wasn't until very recently that I started shaving more than twice a week.
I see scenes in movies where they use fast cutting to show a guy getting dressed (he buttons his shirt *CUT* he buckles his belt *CUT* he adjusts his tie *CUT* he ties his shoes *CUT* he tells his reflection "I look good"), and where others see an attractive man with a bright future career ahead of him, all I see is a very uncomfortable adult forced to wear a monkey suit in exchange for higher pay (this feeling becomes ironic if he's done all this just for a job interview).
Supposedly it's the parents' responsibility to instill this sense of pride in one's appearance, but my parents both took time to look good every morning, and made me stand there while one or the other of them did my hair before school every day.
But even once I was old enough to take care of my appearance myself, it was just an automatic chore, done with an unconscious assurance that "They'll just get mad at me if I don't".
As opposed to the supposed ideal of a man spending an hour or so on himself, looking in the mirror, and being so gratified at what he sees that the day offers no further challenges for him.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Wind, and What's Wrong
I'm not sure if I believe in the concept of affinities for the classical elements (earth, air, fire, water), but I have had some positive experience meditating on the wind.
Also, I have more energy on windy days, no matter what temperature.
I tried meditating this afternoon as I was finishing what I hope will become a daily walk/jog around the lake.
Just repeated a few simple sentences to calm my mind and remove myself from the problems of the day.
I am the wind.
I am free.
I am weightless.
I am the wind.
I am powerful.
I cannot be contained.
I am the wind.
I am above.
...okay, so maybe more than a few.
Then it got interesting. I became calm (a feat just after jogging), and my mind began to formulate complex imagery regarding the air, its works, its state, and its inhabitants.
Again, not sure about the old Celtic/Wiccan/naturist/whatever concepts of elemental attunement, but so far my experience has been positive regarding the improvement of my outlook on life.
Speaking of which.
Matthew Polly's written a couple of books (American Shaolin and Tapped Out), both autobiographical and both quite spiritual/philosophical.
Both detail a journey, the first through training at the Shaolin Temple, the second training the various disciplines of Mixed Martial Arts.
In both, the journey begins with him making a mental list he calls "What's Wrong With Matt?".
Given that most people with an optimistic outlook on life and more success in it tend to search for self-improvement rather than assuming perfection and blaming their problems on others, I figure it's a good time for my own self-assessment.
So, What's Wrong With Brandon?
1) Boy, Not a Man
I do partially blame American society for this, given our total lack of actual adulthood rites. Tribal societies have a black and white approach to adulthood. You kill the jaguar, you are a man. Killing the jaguar means you are ready for anything that could come your way as part of the society, so once you kill it, your adult-ness (male in this example) is never questioned. We in 'Murica have no universally recognized rites or rituals like this. Some people might say learning to drive or graduating high school/college, but in what way do any of those successes demonstrate that you are ready for the myriad of circumstances life throws at you?
On my end, as you can see from yesterday, I feel like I'm just falling from one circumstance to the next instead of taking charge. It doesn't help that I'm not sure what "taking charge" even looks like, given that the only example I have (my dad starting his own business when I was three) doesn't seem like it would work for me because I don't know what I have to offer the world. I'm also very hesitant about calling strangers on the phone, even to order pizza (though nowadays you can mostly do that online), and I can't manage money well.
2) Glutton
I love food. No really. The more damage it does to my body, the more I tend to crave/enjoy it.
3) Lazy
This kinda ties into #2, given that it means I'll eat horrible food all day and night, and never want to exercise. As I mentioned above, I've started walking every day, and lessening the amount of food I take in. Hopefully it'll hold up in the long term.
4) No self-discipline
The more I write, the more it seems like #1 just covers everything. I have a novel, a screenplay, a ton-load of short stories, and a comic book script "in the works".
Meaning, I have finished drafts of the short stories and the first issue of the comic book script, but the novel draft is nowhere finished, and the screenplay (being an adaptation of the novel) is similarly unfinished. I have a ton-load of outlines, brainstorming, etc. for it, but it seems to take sooo much effort to actually sit and write paragraphs, which leads into...
5) Easily distracted
Why did typewriters go out of style? I get carpel tunnels very easily, so writing massive numbers of pages by hand is out. But my one typing device has Internet access. So when I SHOULD be cranking out chapter after chapter leading to an astonishing reveal or major plot twist....I'm on Memebase. Also I play Pokemon waaay too much.
That's all I can think of right now. Maybe tonight or tomorrow will reveal more glaring flaws.
Also, I have more energy on windy days, no matter what temperature.
I tried meditating this afternoon as I was finishing what I hope will become a daily walk/jog around the lake.
Just repeated a few simple sentences to calm my mind and remove myself from the problems of the day.
I am the wind.
I am free.
I am weightless.
I am the wind.
I am powerful.
I cannot be contained.
I am the wind.
I am above.
...okay, so maybe more than a few.
Then it got interesting. I became calm (a feat just after jogging), and my mind began to formulate complex imagery regarding the air, its works, its state, and its inhabitants.
Again, not sure about the old Celtic/Wiccan/naturist/whatever concepts of elemental attunement, but so far my experience has been positive regarding the improvement of my outlook on life.
Speaking of which.
Matthew Polly's written a couple of books (American Shaolin and Tapped Out), both autobiographical and both quite spiritual/philosophical.
Both detail a journey, the first through training at the Shaolin Temple, the second training the various disciplines of Mixed Martial Arts.
In both, the journey begins with him making a mental list he calls "What's Wrong With Matt?".
Given that most people with an optimistic outlook on life and more success in it tend to search for self-improvement rather than assuming perfection and blaming their problems on others, I figure it's a good time for my own self-assessment.
So, What's Wrong With Brandon?
1) Boy, Not a Man
I do partially blame American society for this, given our total lack of actual adulthood rites. Tribal societies have a black and white approach to adulthood. You kill the jaguar, you are a man. Killing the jaguar means you are ready for anything that could come your way as part of the society, so once you kill it, your adult-ness (male in this example) is never questioned. We in 'Murica have no universally recognized rites or rituals like this. Some people might say learning to drive or graduating high school/college, but in what way do any of those successes demonstrate that you are ready for the myriad of circumstances life throws at you?
On my end, as you can see from yesterday, I feel like I'm just falling from one circumstance to the next instead of taking charge. It doesn't help that I'm not sure what "taking charge" even looks like, given that the only example I have (my dad starting his own business when I was three) doesn't seem like it would work for me because I don't know what I have to offer the world. I'm also very hesitant about calling strangers on the phone, even to order pizza (though nowadays you can mostly do that online), and I can't manage money well.
2) Glutton
I love food. No really. The more damage it does to my body, the more I tend to crave/enjoy it.
3) Lazy
This kinda ties into #2, given that it means I'll eat horrible food all day and night, and never want to exercise. As I mentioned above, I've started walking every day, and lessening the amount of food I take in. Hopefully it'll hold up in the long term.
4) No self-discipline
The more I write, the more it seems like #1 just covers everything. I have a novel, a screenplay, a ton-load of short stories, and a comic book script "in the works".
Meaning, I have finished drafts of the short stories and the first issue of the comic book script, but the novel draft is nowhere finished, and the screenplay (being an adaptation of the novel) is similarly unfinished. I have a ton-load of outlines, brainstorming, etc. for it, but it seems to take sooo much effort to actually sit and write paragraphs, which leads into...
5) Easily distracted
Why did typewriters go out of style? I get carpel tunnels very easily, so writing massive numbers of pages by hand is out. But my one typing device has Internet access. So when I SHOULD be cranking out chapter after chapter leading to an astonishing reveal or major plot twist....I'm on Memebase. Also I play Pokemon waaay too much.
That's all I can think of right now. Maybe tonight or tomorrow will reveal more glaring flaws.
Monday, June 3, 2013
Journal, Day 1
Life continues to spiral out of control.
The moment you think you've found some secure footing, however exhausting it is to maintain, another part of the floor drops out from beneath you and you cling to whatever comes to hand, even knowing it will only support you for a few brief moments.
Is this "adulthood"?
This tumbling from one creaky support to another, hoping each time you've hit bedrock, only to find it's just another rotted-out rope bridge?
Beyond all the home-ownership and car-ownership and MONEY, we were promised stability.
Peace of mind.
That if we worked harder, suffered longer, and planned more intensely, we would eventually reap the benefits. The kind our parents enjoy. The kind sitcoms detail in each succeeding episode.
When will it be our turn?
Or are we (or our older siblings, Generation X) merely the beginning of the end of the great American experiment, the initial rumblings of impending doom which we all feel in our hearts?
I wish I could say whose fault this is.
I wish I could point a single finger and yell "Get 'em!"
I wish a single act of removal would send shockwaves of positive energy throughout the system, repairing what is broken, filling in gaps which have existed for centuries.
But I can't.
Because it wouldn't.
Of course, in the midst of all that, it seems as though everyone around me has it all happily under control.
Everyone else has their dream job, or at least one which makes enough money that they don't have to worry.
Even the ones dragging around way too many children.
Are they better at faking it?
Do they really have it under control?
Or am I just delusional, hit with uber-level grass-is-greener syndrome?
I'm to the point where I can't even do the old Animal Farm adage, "I WILL WORK HARDER!"
I'm already working two jobs, both of which are very physical and are probably causing long-term health issues and which leave me with almost no time to rest.
This being a "right-to-work" state (seriously the WORST case of false advertising EVER), even if I'm a model employee who gives %110 %100 of the time (which with this workload could be fatal in the long run), there's nothing stopping them from ditching me at the first sign of a budget cut.
Kinda hard to be a good little employee with that looming in the background at all times, even if you like the people you work with.
Which is an ironic little thought, given that I get along with most of the people at the minimum-wage job that I've only been doing since January, yet am constantly in conflict with both my coworkers and management at the $10/hour job which I've been doing for almost six years.
I know what I want to eventually do for my big multi-decade job.
I want to teach college writing.
However, it requires graduate school, and I'm still dragging around a LOT of student loans from my wild-oats period...which just happened to be spent at a private Christian college.
Bleh.
Oh well.
It led to my wife, so it's hard to regret it, even though the consequences are going to become an increasing problem in the coming months.
Sorry for the rambling, but I haven't been writing much lately and this has been a huge weight on my mind.
The moment you think you've found some secure footing, however exhausting it is to maintain, another part of the floor drops out from beneath you and you cling to whatever comes to hand, even knowing it will only support you for a few brief moments.
Is this "adulthood"?
This tumbling from one creaky support to another, hoping each time you've hit bedrock, only to find it's just another rotted-out rope bridge?
Beyond all the home-ownership and car-ownership and MONEY, we were promised stability.
Peace of mind.
That if we worked harder, suffered longer, and planned more intensely, we would eventually reap the benefits. The kind our parents enjoy. The kind sitcoms detail in each succeeding episode.
When will it be our turn?
Or are we (or our older siblings, Generation X) merely the beginning of the end of the great American experiment, the initial rumblings of impending doom which we all feel in our hearts?
I wish I could say whose fault this is.
I wish I could point a single finger and yell "Get 'em!"
I wish a single act of removal would send shockwaves of positive energy throughout the system, repairing what is broken, filling in gaps which have existed for centuries.
But I can't.
Because it wouldn't.
Of course, in the midst of all that, it seems as though everyone around me has it all happily under control.
Everyone else has their dream job, or at least one which makes enough money that they don't have to worry.
Even the ones dragging around way too many children.
Are they better at faking it?
Do they really have it under control?
Or am I just delusional, hit with uber-level grass-is-greener syndrome?
I'm to the point where I can't even do the old Animal Farm adage, "I WILL WORK HARDER!"
I'm already working two jobs, both of which are very physical and are probably causing long-term health issues and which leave me with almost no time to rest.
This being a "right-to-work" state (seriously the WORST case of false advertising EVER), even if I'm a model employee who gives %110 %100 of the time (which with this workload could be fatal in the long run), there's nothing stopping them from ditching me at the first sign of a budget cut.
Kinda hard to be a good little employee with that looming in the background at all times, even if you like the people you work with.
Which is an ironic little thought, given that I get along with most of the people at the minimum-wage job that I've only been doing since January, yet am constantly in conflict with both my coworkers and management at the $10/hour job which I've been doing for almost six years.
I know what I want to eventually do for my big multi-decade job.
I want to teach college writing.
However, it requires graduate school, and I'm still dragging around a LOT of student loans from my wild-oats period...which just happened to be spent at a private Christian college.
Bleh.
Oh well.
It led to my wife, so it's hard to regret it, even though the consequences are going to become an increasing problem in the coming months.
Sorry for the rambling, but I haven't been writing much lately and this has been a huge weight on my mind.
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