Middle School Subbing Thoughts of the Day

1) Having a movie day isn't as fun when the TV is on the teacher's desk.
2) I wonder if lesbian couples in public schools are able to fly under the PDA-radar, since it was apparently based on the archaic belief that any physical contact between males and females is harmful. I doubt most teachers would bat an eye at two girls walking or sitting hand in hand or with an arm around each other.
3) Middle schoolers seriously can't handle silence.
4) It's hard to get motivated to crack down on students talking in class when their only "assignment" is to stare at another screen.
5) Dear schools: Why would you EVER equip a public school classroom with computers with built-in WEBCAMS?
6) It's amazing how difficult middle schoolers apparently find it to stare at a screen for fifty minutes, given that they're doing exactly that for most of their free time.
7) So apparently, 8th grade is indeed that critical year when the changeover from obnoxious, must-stay-distracted child to more deeply distracted, less obnoxious teenager occurs.
8) Today I had a roomful of 8th graders snicker when the movie uttered the phrase "you might get lucky". Some things never change.
9) The social phenomenon of "Mr. [name] is my father" does not so much demonstrate the death of the nuclear family identity as it does the true state of the cult of individualism. The very same social conservatives who bemoan it as the former are fervent acolytes of the latter.
10) A classroom without its own thermostat is a blast-furnace waiting to happen.
11) Nothing, NOTHING freaks out a sub like the principal and on-duty police officer showing up at your classroom. Especially when the kid they're looking for is the one kid who didn't say "here" when you called roll, and is apparently a flight risk.
12) It's sad that my first viewing of a Robing Williams movie since his death is one surrounded by middle schoolers.
13) I find it fascinating that so many of my generation seem to be taking special care to endeavor to not blend in with the crowd, to be a generation of unique persons with unique spiritual and political beliefs, even as so many fall instep with the millions of mundane workers who slave away daily for a pittance.
14) It seems easier to get adults to slave away, to stop caring about their own dreams and goals in life, once they've procreated and suddenly focus on the child's dreams and goals in life.
15) Weird kid names of the day: Opollo and Ozabeth.
16) I had a 6th grader pointing out every single reference to other movies in the movie, in such a deadpan voice that all I could do was laugh.
17) Student quote of the day:
[after three boys are pulled out for tutorting] "All the clowns are gone. You can be at peace now."
18) Seems like I can't get through a day of subbing without picking up at least one new stain.
19) Dear teachers: If your school has multiple lunch periods, TELL YOUR SUB WHICH ONE YOU'RE ON!
20) Dear schools: A tub of Germex is NOT a sufficient replacement for soap and running water. I don't care how many germs it kills, I'm not eating with it on my hands!
21) Sun Chips for lunch on a subbing day means you spend the first two hours after lunch trying to get your throat cleared.
22) Dear schools: Build a nap room for your teachers' planning periods. And put a margarita machine in the lounge. And equip every adult in the building with a tranquilizer pistol.
23) I'm not sure why, but across thirteen grades of public school, I've had universally better experiences with female students than with males.
24) "Cultural bias" seems to have disappeared from our vernacular, with so much emphasis put on "not seeing race," and less and less on actually solving racial inequality. To say nothing of the MASSIVE cultural bias toward "Americanism".
25) I keep telling myself, "Don't compare your beginning to someone else's middle," but it feels like I'm not even on the beginning yet.
26) Apparently "Melvin" is coming back in style for kid names.
27) Every time I hear an elevator ding on a movie, the words "SYSTEM PURGE" flash across my eyes.
28) I think one of the last vestiges of my childhood introversion plays out as stuttering when dealing with authority figures. I'm apparently okay with strangers, as long as there no preset pecking order. But people "over" me, even for just the day, are apparently beyond my cultivated "life of the party" abilities.
29) I've gained some interesting experiences subbing this year, but I still feel kind of guilty for not applying at Wal-Mart.
30) The more males in a middle school class, the more stress the class overall will create in a teacher.
31) It's difficult to ascribe any particular qualities to one's surname (i.e., generosity, courage, pride) when the world is large enough to contain millions of people who have it.
32) I need a job in which I can really practice public speaking. I'm out of practice.
33) From grade 8 down to kindergarten, the last class of the day is the worst class of the day.
34) I'm amazed that people who don't move faster when they see a car coming have continued to maintain a presence in the gene pool.
35) I'm seriously thinking that the only reason the stereotype of "all men want sons" has continued to survive in this part of the developed world is because teaching is still a mostly-female profession. I still don't want kids, but every time I sub, the child-gender-preference pendulum swings harder toward FEMALE.
36) It seems like everyone with a career has at least one partially existential reason for choosing it or maintaining it. A teacher might love the look in the eyes of fascinated students. A soldier might find himself moved by the change to serve his country. An athlete might become addicted to the fire in the belly lit by competition. A musician experiences a spiritual connection to her audience via hard-fought performances.
Meanwhile, people who instead have jobs speak of them in terms of having landed on them by accident, or if it's a hated job in terms of cruel circumstances.