Job Search

Been making my first effort ever at finding a full-time job.

It's depressing.

Not because there aren't jobs available, but because I just can't seem to get excited at the prospect of any of them.

I know I definitely need to get away from my current job.
Been there almost four years, and I'm about ready to start dropping f-bombs from the moment I start each workday.
I think that's a good sign it's time to LEAVE.

But leave to what?
I'm finally getting benefits, which will probably NEVER happen with any other part-time job.
Paid time off, paid holidays...it's nice.
But it's also been a pain, given how easily it can be taken away if you don't keep track.

I need to leave.

I've been an outsider from day 1 at this branch, no matter how much I learned I had in common with several of my coworkers.
Plus since the turnover rate is so high, it's not like at the previous branch where I spent 3 years getting to know everyone because NOBODY EVER LEFT.
..until I did, to be closer to home and school.

The management gets on my nerves, the "policies" are such lack-of-common-sense crap (especially FORCED "friendliness"), and an overall sense of BS permeates nearly all interactions between staff members.

But again, I'm not sure where I'm going.
It's not as if I'm saying, "Okay, time to ditch the crap job and get the one I've always dreamed of!"

Am I weird for never dreaming about having a particular job?
My dreams tended to be DOING THINGS, like winning a Pulitzer or even just seeing my name in the Table of Contents in an anthology.

Well, I've gotten the latter twice, thanks to college publications.

Still, it's not the best thing to keep in mind when roving through monster.com trying to find something that sounds good.

Even career coaching books have nothing for you if you ever answer one of their questions with "I don't know."

Prime example:
"Think of someone you've seen in person or on TV who looked like they were doing something you'd want to do."
1) Including TV in that is total BS, because who doesn't want to be on TV in some capacity?
2) I've NEVER seen someone doing a JOB that made me all giddy inside.
When I say "job", I don't mean "performing artist," "theatrical performer," or "choreography expert."
I.E., singer/instrumentalist, actor, or dancer.

I'm talking about day-to-day, 9-5, pays-the-bills type of job.
Never seen one I pined for.
So I've focused my energies on developing my creative talents instead of trying to grow towards particular employment qualifications.

As a result, I'm automatically handicapped when entering the job safari.