Goals?

It's 2:15 AM, and I'm in this weird limbo-state between reeally sleepy and reeeally trying to process all the sugar in my system so I don't crash.
So it's time to get existential:
So many motivational books/speeches tend to focus on you getting "what you've always wanted" or your "dream job," but they all seem to assume that you know what those are going in, that you have and have had a clear idea of where you want to be or what you want to be doing, and the difference between that idea and your current circumstances indicates that you aren't there yet.

But what if you don't have the clear idea necessary for partaking in their advice?

I read awhile back that "there's nothing stopping you from throwing pragmatic caution to the wind and taking a chance on what you really want," which is a nice image, and I'm sure somebody somewhere could take it to heart and take that first step.

But for myself, it's just that much more frustrating.
Even little cliches like "Dream big!" seem to have a big "N/A" over them for me.

The future is completely unknown territory, and the past just keeps piling up with seemingly zero progress made.
This perception isn't helped by the fact that I'm turning thirty in nine days and just finished filling out yet another job application for yet another minimum-wage retail job.

I don't think I would feel as hampered if I had some clear-cut goal, that I wanted with the fullness of my being and that was only kept from me by my own anxiety.

Every time I've attempted to explore the dark recesses of my own psyche, searching for some shining bit of passion that could become the above goal, the question of "HOW?" shoots it down every time.

Specifically "How are you going to pay for crap while attempting to achieve that goal?"
Especially since pretty much every search ends at either music or writing, and the question of money-in-the-meantime-as-a-married-man kills both.

So no progress is made, nothing new happens day to day, and I feel more and more worthless.
I have zero goals, zero motivation, and in my more introspective moments (like now), I feel on the verge of depression.

Even teaching seems like something I want to do for all the wrong reasons.
Not because I feel called to teach or because I love working with kids, but just so that I can feel like I'm using my education to get hired somewhere that provides health insurance.
Which I call "bringing more voices into the discussion," as if that would ever happen below the college level, and maybe not even then.

I feel like there's just nothing for me out there, nothing that can make use of my years of training while challenging me while providing greater financial stability.
And the stronger that feeling becomes the more I feel like a failure as a human being and a husband, especially as my wife pours more and more of herself into her dream-job, and takes on greater and greater stress trying to deal with our finances.