Not Quite an Adult

Lately I've been realizing how slow my mental maturation has really been.

Mainly through stuff I'm responsible for, which intimidates the crap out of me.

I only started taking care of housework without hesitation a few years ago.
My parents tried to get the "if you don't do it, it won't get done" mentality into my head from an early age, but it wasn't until I was actually on my own (including out of the dorms) that I started just taking care of housework because it needed to be done.

Car maintenance stuff still intimidates me, and I couldn't tell you why to save my life.
I'll do six laps around a mechanic's place before deciding to go have lunch instead of getting my oil changed (and this when the dipstick is almost DRY).

Money issues feel waaaay beyond my ken (yay archaic saying of the day), especially around tax time.

If it took till age 22 to take care of housework without problems, how long before I can take care of our household finances without feeling like I'm jumping in the deep end without a floaty?

40s? 50s? Will we have grandchildren running around before I can just HANDLE shit?

Even as I read books about how my generation is taking longer to reach levels of maturation our parents and grandparents hit earlier and earlier in life, it still feels like everyone else has their shit together and I'm just treading water on my best day.


Especially as I get ready to graduate with my B.A. after spending nearly a decade (god I'm old) floundering around three campuses.

Suddenly all the good-student responsibilities, which I picked up within seconds of starting kindergarten (and nearly lost before taking a year off from college), aren't going to matter anymore.

What good is knowing the precise studying and preparation rituals to succeed in test-taking when you're looking for/working at a job?

What good is knowing MLA/APA/whatever-the-fuck citation format when you'll likely NEVER write another essay as long as you live?

I'm also torn between two modes of thought when it comes to career-hunting (given that I, unlike what seems like everyone else, didn't choose my career by age 12).

1) I find a job that takes full advantage of my writing abilities.
Advantage: Uses the skills I expounded upon and developed in college.
Disadvantage: Could make me hate myself by turning the art into work.

2) I find a job that in NO WAY uses my abilities.
Advantage: I don't have to worry about #1's disadvantage, and could practice my art for art's sake in my spare time.
Disadvantage: Because of that advantage, I end up hating life because all my attention and desire is focused on evenings and especially weekends, when I CAN practice my art.


All this while most people are saying that the first job out of college is usually #2, mainly because you have to pay bills before you can do anything else.